


Rank 9 equals Romance Option

by Noalein



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Joker is a little shit, M/M, One Shot, Spoilers, don't take this seriously, this is silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 07:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11686851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noalein/pseuds/Noalein
Summary: In which Joker decides that he doesn't care, he was going to have his romance option with Akechi, even if it had to be in front of the other Phantom Thieves.





	Rank 9 equals Romance Option

Rank number nine. His Justice social link had just levelled up, here in Shido’s Palace with Akechi revealing the true motive behind his actions. 

Joker cursed inwardly as Akechi was going on about revenge against Shido who was apparently also Akechi’s father.

“I am going to personally thrust Masayoshi Shido into a living hell,” Akechi declared dramatically but Joker was only half listening.

Don’t get him wrong, he was totally shocked and this was a dire situation ...but there was a more pressing question: 

Where the fuck was his damn romance option?!

“So Joker ...rest easy and die,” Akechi finally ended his speech. Everyone had grown quiet at this point. His thieves were shocked and Akechi’s gaze was filled with hate, but they were all waiting for Joker’s next words.

What should he say?  
“Let’s finish this.”?  
“I don’t plan on dying.”?  
Or maybe “Think you can really do this?”?

Those were all fitting ...but you know what? No way, this wasn’t happening. Time to change the script.

Deadly serious, he declared: “Honey, we can talk about everything.”

Silence, followed by a loud scream of shock from Panther. Ah, yes, he could count on her for a fitting reaction.

His future sweetheart, Akechi, on the other hand reacted with anger, “what are you talking about? Don’t ever call me that again!”

“I get that you’re angry but this is really bad for our relationship,” Joker smirked and purred out the next word, “honey.”

“Relationship?! Dude, what?!” Skull shouted first at Joker, but was ignored, so for good measure, he shouted it at the others as well.

“We are not in a relationship,” Akechi declared. His face was all red from anger. This was not how Joker had wanted to do this, but at least Akechi was cute when he was angry.

“But we should be,” he answered and added a wink for good measure.

Behind him Oracle squealed. Loudly. Skull once again asked what the eff was going on but was shushed by the redhead.

“Don’t make fun of me!” Akechi was still protesting and still cute. Joker had expected this reaction, thus he turned serious again.

“I’m not,” he assured, “I am saying that I love you, Goro Akechi. Please, go out with me.”

Akechi’s face turned even redder and a heavy silence filled the room. Several people tried to form words, but failed. Miserably. Surprisingly, Queen expressed herself first with a shocked face, but calm words, “this is certainly a surprise.” That reaction felt a bit underwhelming.

Panther was next, she stamped her feet on the ground, “this is so NOT the time for a confession!” He wasn’t sure whether the timing should really be the most important issue here....

“That’s what makes it even better!” Oracle suddenly squealed out, she was jumping up and down, “ohhh! This is so perfect! I totally ship it!”

“...ship it?” questioned Noir, she looked completely lost and had jumped at the first seemingly simple question. Skull’s mouth was hanging open, Fox was standing as stiff as a stone and Mona looked ready to faint.

All in all, Joker had gained one ally in Oracle. More than he had expected. He signalled his appreciation by giving her a thumbs-up. Grinning back, she returned it. Best little sister ever.

Finally, the subject of his affection had regained his composure. “You are serious,” he said slowly and sadly, his gaze on the ground, “I... I wish I could but,” he whispered in a shaking voice, “you must die.”

“That wasn’t a complete rejection, right?” Joker called as Akechi slowly walked backwards. He didn’t answer, but Oracle agreed. Damn, she was biased.

He turned to the person next to him, it was Mona, and repeated his question. “What...?” the cat-like thief closed and opened his mouth a few times, “well, he said that he wanted to be with you?” It sounded more like a question, but Joker would take want he got and turned to Akechi again, “I told you, we can talk about everything.”

“This is not-“ the detective protested but he was cut off by an unexpected source. “Just tell the truth!” it was Queen, she was breathing heavily after her outburst. She took several big deep breaths before she spoke in a sharp tone, “we can all tell that you are lying, Akechi. You love Joker, so say it already!”

“Yes!” Fox agreed, “how could anyone not be moved by such a passionate confession! It had everything! I simply must paint these raw emotions!” He got out his trusty sketch book and was completely serious as he ordered them to not move until he was finished.

“Quiet,” Queen commanded at him and Oracle, who was going nuts over potential fan art, after the advisor was satisfied, she turned back to Akechi, “I believe you own Joker an answer. An honest one.”

“...What good would that do?” Akechi spat out, “admitting my feelings for him wouldn’t change a thing. Love? Don’t make me laugh! It’s nothing but a lofty ideal that I have discarded long ago.” With clenched fists, he turned back to Joker, “or did you already forget? After all, I killed you even though I love you.”

Oh, oh, oh! He said it! He actually said it! Joker couldn’t stop a happy grin from nearly splitting his face in two. Akechi loved him back! “I love you, too,” he answered giddily.

He had entered a special relationship with Goro Akechi! Probably. Most likely. Maybe?

Who cares, he had a boyfriend now!

A sad looking boyfriend who just backed away further when Joker tried to reach him. “Weren’t you listening?” he asked, “this changes nothing. I will kill you once and for all, Joker.”

“This is bullshit!” Skull was suddenly shouting, “Listen, this whole situation is effing crazy and I sure as hell don’t get what Joker likes about you but trying to kill him after what you just said? That’s fucked up! It just pisses me off!” Thanks, Skull.

“Yes, you shouldn’t treat the people you love this way,” it was Noir’s turn and Joker was shocked that even she, the one who had suffered because of Akechi only recently was speaking up for his cause, “I have no intention of forgiving you for what happened to my father but I also can’t accept you hurting Joker’s feelings like this when there is a chance that you can make him happy.” His friend really was too precious and caring for her own good but Joker was even more grateful.

“...are you all mad?” his beloved just sounded irritated at this point, “how often must I repeat myself before you get it? My ...feelings change nothing. Let us fight.”

So they really had to do this, didn’t they? Well, if it helped Akechi come to his senses, he had no choice but he would do it his own way.

“Everyone, stay back. This is a fight between Akechi and me,” he ordered and smirking he cheekily added, “sorry for dragging you all into our lover’s quarrel.”

“You better be!” Panther complained, “and while you’re at it apologise for that terrible confession, too! You better make all of this worth it and get together with Akechi fast!”

“And make out with him!” Oracle added eagerly.

“Just ignore her,” advised Mona, he was still sceptical about this whole ..thing, but nodded nevertheless, “if he makes you happy, go and get him. And you better not lose!”

\--

Joker stepped forward. There was no way that he could lose with his friends backing his relationship (however thin that support was).

He and Akechi both made to grab their masks and summon their personae-

BANG!

A shot. Akechi fell to his knees and a second Akechi, no, Shido’s cognition of Akechi stepped out of the shadows. This cognition was different from Shido’s usual ones. Cognitive Akechi wasn’t wearing a mask like all the other passengers and his eyes were without light. To Shido, Akechi was dead inside.

“As amusing this is to watch, I can’t have you working with them,” the double said, his weapon trailed on Akechi, “it’s high time to get rid of you anyway. It is our privilege to die for Captain Shido. You should be happy.”

“So this is how he plans to protect himself. I’ve been wondering what he would do,” Akechi chuckled bitterly. He should have known that Shido thought of him as nothing more than a puppet. A tool to discard when it had outlived its usefulness.

It hurt more than he wanted to admit.

“But you know what? You can still be useful to the captain one last time,” the puppet continued, “because that’s what you really want, isn’t it? To feel needed, to be loved by our father.”

Akechi flinched violently, the bullet wound in his side completely forgotten, he whispered, “he knew...? This whole time, he knew?”

“Yes,” confirmed the cognition spine-chillingly simple and emotionless before he continued his spiel, “doesn’t this make you happy? You always wanted him to know after all, to finally acknowledge you as his son. And now is your chance, shoot the-“

BANG!

A second shot rang out.

“What...?” the puppet asked before it dissolved into black smoke and disappeared.

All eyes turned to Joker who’s gun was still smoking from the shot he had just fired.

“D-Dude! You shot him!” Skull was the first to react.

“He shot my boyfriend,” Joker shrugged. He took a few large strides to kneel at said boyfriend’s side and cast a healing skill on him. “Can you stand, honey?”

Akechi (and everyone else present) just looked at him as if he had gone completely insane. He was fine, thank you very much.

But Akechi obviously wasn’t, as just a second later, he was in hysterics.

“You know, for once, I totally get Akechi,” Skull whispered far too loudly and Joker knew that he would deny this statement until his dying day.

Patiently, they waited for the detective to calm down.

“You are all stupid,” was the first thing he said after the last giggles had died down. Not a very good start, but probably true.

“After today, I think ‘crazy’ fits better,” Panther supplied helpfully.

“Batshit crazy,” Skull agreed. But they both seemed oddly relaxed. Well, Skull had always been one to go with the flow.

“Anyway,” Queen called for everyone’s attention, “whatever you may call us, we still have a heart to change. Are you joining us, Akechi?”

“I,” he started but stopped as Joker held out his hand to help him up, he looked up at Joker, “I shot you.” Joker just shrugged again, “you shot a cognition of myself and I shot one of you, we’re even.”

Akechi looked down again and mumbled some kind of complaint (it sounded like he was questioning everyone’s and his own sanity). Finally, he slowly answered Queen’s question, “yes, I want to change Shido’s heart.”

He took the offered hand and let himself be pulled up. Naturally, Joker took this chance to not let go and instead intertwined their fingers, “let’s go, Crow.” He paused and as an afterthought he added with another smirk, “honey.”

Oracle let out a high pitched squeal that put all other squeals that came before it to shame. Holding her poor ear, Queen sighed, “this is going to take getting used to. ...we should be going.”

“Huh?” Fox looked up from his sketchbook confused, “are we leaving? But I’m not finished yet.”

**Author's Note:**

> Akechi's first two lines and the options Joker considers answering are taken directly from the game.  
> I don't own that, the characters and the usual stuff.
> 
> Basicly, this was just me dealing with my NG+ in which I ruined the mood by loudly saying "Honey, we can talk about everything!" to Akechi.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you were able to laugh at this :)


End file.
